10 things you shouldn’t do on a trail run

Here is one of my old RunHaven articles.  I hope you enjoy it.

Running trails has a whole different set of rules than running on your local streets. There are some things that you definitely shouldn’t do while on a trail run.

1)         Don’t throw rocks at Bigfoot. They can outrun you and throw bigger rocks than you can. It’s not worth it.

2)         Trails are not a place to try and beat a PR you have while running on paved roads. You will most likely burn yourself out or fall off a cliff.

3)         If you come to a creek, just run though it, don’t tip-toe though it or your running buddies will make fun of you. Please tell me you aren’t afraid to get your trail shoes dirty!

4)         If you take pepper spray with you, make sure it’s locked so you don’t accidentally spray yourself. Nothing makes you easier pray than when you are laying on the ground because you sprayed yourself.

5)         Don’t put on cologne or perfume before a trail run. The smell will attract insects and other unwanted predators.

6)         It is probably a good idea to tie your keys to something (i.e. backpack pocket, shoe laces, etc.).  Otherwise you will be playing “Where the f*ck are my keys!” You could call a locksmith if you hadn’t put your phone in the center console of your car.

7)         If you can’t make it to a bathroom remember, “Leaves of three, let it be!” Poison ivy and poison oak do not make good toilet paper. Ouch!

8)         Don’t pet that cute doggy near the fence. It’s a coyote and guess what… you’re dinner!

9)         Remember what your parents always told you. If the idiot in front of you crossed the river above a waterfall, would you? Think about this one before you answer.

10)      After running to the top of a hill, it probably isn’t wise to pee off of a cliff into the wind. The mist you feel won’t be coming from a waterfall.

Have you experienced any of these funny trail running mishaps? Do you have any funny things you shouldn’t do on a trail run? Please feel free to share in the comments below.  

Copyright 2014

*Used by permission of MOKO.Mobi, Inc.

Picture Credit:

Waterfall Crossing.jpg - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_Falls

Peeing-santa.jpg - http://saraegoodman.blogspot.com/2010/12/what-do-yogi-bear-bullwinkle-and-santa.html

Don’t Be a D-Bag! My 10 Commandments of Running

It is amusing and sometimes frustrating how people don’t take others into consideration when they run. People think it’s everyone else’s responsibility to pick up their mess or get out of their way. All runners should abide by some principles. Here are my 10 commandments of running:

1) Pick up your trash, especially in a race. Really! Since when is it okay to throw your garbage on the ground? If you just raced several miles, you should be able to make it over to the 50
garbage cans within 5 feet of you.

2) It is common courtesy to at least give a head nod as you pass another runner. Bonus points if you say, “Good morning.” It’s not like being friendly expends enough energy to make or
break your run.

3) Your music is for you. Nobody wants to hear you try to sing “Barbie Girl.” Use some headphones, please! The life you save may be your own.

4) Don’t play chicken with someone on a bicycle. You won’t win! There is room for everyone. Even though your taxes helped pay for the path, you do not own it.

5) If your shoe comes untied or you need to take a phone call, move off of the path or road. You are just asking for someone to run into you.

6) Always go to the bathroom before you start your run. Nothing is worse than cramping or crapping halfway through. Don’t tell me that it has never happened to you. If you see someone running without a sock, don’t ask questions. You should be grateful that they wiped.

7) If you are going to run in a bike lane (on a road), face oncoming traffic. That way, you can jump for safety when the car full of kids taking selfies comes straight for you.

8) There is no need to wear a whole bottle of perfume. You are not going to a night club, and I hope that nobody will be giving you the sniff test. If they do, call the cops immediately!

9) If your race is going through a residential neighborhood and kids are lining up along the sidewalk, give them a high five. It will make their day and provide you with a mental boost.

10) I have no problem with snot rockets or spitting while you run, but look before you blow! Nobody likes to take a booger to the face. It’s just gross!

What are some of your favorite rules of the road?

Picture Credit: (https://c2.staticflickr.com/8/7026/6497419391_75e0aed945_z.jpg) Google
Images, Labeled for noncommercial reuse

Copyright 2014

*Used by permission of MOKO.Mobi, Inc.