Monday, December 15, 2014

Get The F*** Out Of My Way: 10 Thoughts During My Last Half Marathon

I have been training hard for the past year in preparation for a particular half marathon. My goal was to smash my PR. While I was concentrating on my race, I had some amusing thoughts along the course. These are what I considered to be my top 10 thoughts during the Urban Cow Half Marathon:
1) I hope that I don’t start out too quickly. I always start out too quickly. Should I start with the 2:00:00 group or the 1:55:00 group? Damn brain, stop it! 

2) Here we go, only 3,000 people in front of me. I should get to the start line before the first person finishes. Maybe not.

3) Alright, a mile in. I sure hope the crowd thins out soon so I can start passing people. I feel like I’m shuffling to get out of a movie theater.

4) What is up with that guy’s form? He is kicking his butt with each stride. That will hurt tomorrow. 

5) Way to go, Mr. Police Officer, you just let a car onto the race course, and the driver is going in the wrong direction. You could do something, or just stand there drinking your coffee. I wouldn’t want you to have to move.

6) OK, there is a woman with fake boobs, and she’s caressing them (not plastic surgery, these were a Halloween costume, I hope). Did I really just see that, or am I getting heat stroke and hallucinating?

7) That fart was way louder than I thought it was going to be. I hope there isn’t anyone behind me. Oh crap, there’s a group of people right there. Should I apologize or just run faster? Run faster it is.

8) There is the half-mile sign, time to go. *A quarter-mile later* There is the “half-mile to go” sign. WTF. OK, who is f***ing with me? I already started pushing harder. Funny, guys.

9) The road is 20 feet wide. Does your running club really have to take up all 20 feet? This isn’t red rover, WTF!

10) Did that 10-year-old really beat me by 25 minutes? He’s a little young to start steroids (he did break the world record for his age at around 1:31:00).

Please share some of the best thoughts or things you have seen during a race!

Picture Credit:
Plastic Boobs:
Copyright 2014

*Used by permission of MOKO.Mobi, Inc.


  1. Hysterically funny! I enjoy your posts!

  2. Thank you Jill. I love providing advice and strive to help others avoid my mistakes. It also gives me an opportunity to let my wacky sense of humor go wild.


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