Back to Late December 2018. So I make the decision to take time off of running. It was absolutely the right decision and I should have done it a long time ago. I am stubborn at times.
Even though the separation was what my ex and I decided upon,
it still doesn’t make the loneliness go away, or trying to date and the circus
that is (not the people, just the whole process). I have three amazing kids, a 9-year-old and 7-year-old
boy/girl twins. I love them so much, but
they drive me insane. Parents, you know
what I’m talking about, except for those of you who have some sort of kid
magic. I do the best I can with mine, but
if you have a magic kid, congrats. We have our moments, good and bad.
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| My Oldest and I hiking near Lake Tahoe in 2018 |
I would work all day, trying to impress everyone at work with the largest workload that we’ve ever had and shrinking timelines. Trying to manage my team’s workload as well as my own. My team is so awesome and really worked their butts off, which made my job more manageable. They made me look good, 100%. I feel like work was the one place that I was able to hold it together the best. I somehow was able to keep the façade going long enough. Inside I was so overwhelmed that I felt like I was living in a fog.
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| [Image pulled from https://thetempest.co/2019/05/17/culture-taste/brain-fog-depression/] |
I started to just get so overwhelmed, not knowing what I was going to do with the house. The day I decided to accept the offer from Zillow and started packing, the feeling of being overwhelmed lifted. It happened so fast that sometimes I feel guilty. But I fought that feeling for my family/kids, for my coworkers, and most importantly… for myself. That is something I am learning… to show myself love (not like that…come on).😊
I thought I was dealing with depression. It took quite a while to figure out that I was doing so much in so many areas of my life (and kids activities) that I had exceeded what I was capable of handling. It wasn’t depression, but a case of being severely overwhelmed. It was working through all of my feelings and fears that I was able to have a breakthrough. That will come in another post.
I am a better man because I walked through that, but I had
no idea if it was going to be a day or a year before things were going to get
better. I feel very fortunate to have my
long distance running that has sharpened my mental toughness. I tend to do okay just putting my head down
and putting one foot in front of the other until I reach the peak/finish. I always make it to my goal, then I can take
a break. Those death marches (running term) on long runs
when you are bonking and are hot, are the times when you learn what you are
really made of…enter the tears…
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| I didn't take a selfie, but this isn't far off. J/K |
Mental illness is a serious f*cking issue. Be there for each other. Open up to a friend. You might just find out that they are struggling with stuff too. Ultimately, I want to break this stigma that just because you have “mental illness” that you are a flawed human being. With that being said…
I want to refocus Running Without Injuries. Sure physical injuries are important and I
will touch on those too, but I want to bring to light what people experience
when they go through depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder. If we can see what
people are experiencing (through their eyes) maybe, we can be empathetic.
I have learned how strong I am in the past 2 years. It has been the hardest 2 years of my life
without a doubt, but I am so grateful to have been through everything. I have learned so much and this is just the
beginning. I am not going to let my
mental health issues hold me back and I hope you come along with me in my
journey. I plan on doing some different
and fun stuff this next year.
Tomorrow I will focus on what the heck I have been up to
since selling the house and moving into the apartment almost a year ago. I might have a story or two in there.
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